Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I looked at my own cervix.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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