i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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