I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
