Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
