We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
