I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
