I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
