all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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