If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
