my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
