dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
