i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
