Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
