break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
