thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
