i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
