he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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