I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
