Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
