Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
