I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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