we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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