will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
