Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I cut my penus on the lid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
