Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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