And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
