Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
