did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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