There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
