he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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