so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
