Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
