he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
