i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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