My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
