every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
