Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
