I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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