the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
do nipples grow back?
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