Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
