Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
