terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
