check it out our google latitudes are spooning
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
