Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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