She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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