I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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