It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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