pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
