i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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