I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
