If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
