The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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