We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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