is your mom at the bar?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
