I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
