Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
