I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
