how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
