Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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