So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
