Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
