every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
