so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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