in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
