Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
