so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
